The Unfortunate Tale of Bob Bobsen Patricia Alexander
by INSTAbookboysarebetter
Summary: Everything in Bob Bobsen's life had been perfectly ordinary... until I let my instagram followers play around with it. The 1 sentence story of Bob Bobsen, fully typed up and with minor edits to make the story flow more and make more sense. You've been warned.


Everything in Bob Bobsen's life had been perfectly ordinary, until that day. That day something tragic occurred. Something that would change his life forever. He ran out of books to read and it was very tragic. But then there was one book left. It was a small black book with thin silver lining. It had strange writing etched into it. It was a porn book which he had bought 5 years ago and which he threw in the trash. He wanted to read it but, he thought he should wait for the right moment. Though it wasn't actually a porn book, no that was just a disguise to hide what it really was.

But the perfect moment never came… he was kidnapped by three men wearing bedazzled jackets and white, leather gogo boots. One of the sparkly men put a bag over Bob's head and he thrashed about, and he was sent into darkness, waiting for what was to come. They actually were all drag queens taking him to star in RuPaul's drag race show. Of course, they were absolutely fabulous and waited for him to get the book so he could dance all night and have fun all night long, using the right pronouns so he could make some new queen friends. He danced all night long, until a man with an afro and a white suit walked into the disco. The man instantly did the splits, and tore his pants to which his reply was "I'm single ladiessssss!". The queens and Mr. Bobsen spent the rest of the night singing Beyonce songs. He was knighted Sir King of Drag, and lived the rest of his days on the peak of Mount Everest so he could be above everyone.

But wait, just when it seemed lie everything was going great, someone died. Bianca Del Rio had killed Alaska and it was Bob's job to investigate. He got on his majestic unicorn he'd created while in primary school and was off to investigate. Little did he know the unicorn was actually an accomplice of Bianca Del Rio and was hired and payed in carrots to do her evil bidding. The carrots had to be diamond encrusted or the unicorn would sit on it's butt and do nothing. Bob's favorite food was carrots though so when he ate the carrots he died because a diamond got stuck in him throat. Then a wizard walked past and began to feed on the unicorn so that they could become immortal. He arrived, but what could he do?

"The book!" He yelled, frantically searching his person.

The end was what he hoped to come, his journey had been dragging on for so long, he had missed his daily afternoon tea. Or so he thought. Suddenly, the sky started to rain tea! Bob had to get the book to safety before it got wet!

Bob rushed into the nearest bookstore, where Bianca Del Rio was already waiting. She slowly pulled a twinkie out of her pocket, using her laser eyes to hypnotise Bob.

Bob pulled out the book and used it to cover his face. Bob tried to enter without Bianca noticing him bus as soon as he stepped inside, someone yelled "YOU!"

The lasers knocked the book out of his hands and he scrambled to retrieve it, dodging the Twinkie that had been thrown at him. Bob was on the floor, his hope was fading away when Jesus came down and granted him one wish that was to restart everything, a do over to maybe do things right this time. But Bianca went back too. She stared into his eyes, picked up the dagger and held it against his neck.

"I've waited long enough," she hissed into his ear.

Panicking, he quadruple back flipped away and brandished his trusty, rusty, dusty pipe.

"They are coming," he whispered to her. He whipped around and speared one right through with his trusty, rusty, dust pipe. Then the rest of the Handy Manny grew came to help.

Bob got very angry. He'd been named after his hero, Bob the Builder and now his biggest competitor's tools were here!?

Meanwhile, evil Doctor Wilson plans his next attack on the sports industry by using his unimaginably sentient species of volleyballs. Now, we return to our hero.

We never really knew how Bob Bobsen died that day. It may have been poisonous tea raining from the sky. It may have been Bianca's rusty knife. It may have just been dehydration. Who knows?

But the one thing we will always know is that he loved cheese, his one true love was Colby Jack.

Then Bob Bobsen was resurrected as Patricia Alexander who killed her 1st husband and became a singer. She sang like SpongeBob in the Spongebob move and amazed so many people that their heads exploded.

However, the people whose heads exploded proceeded to die and their vengeful families chased her down with burning pitchforks. Once they cornered Patricia at her house with the burning pitchforks, they threw the flames onto her house, burning it down with her in it but she stood up from the rubble, jumped, and floated away into the shining sky. She did a backflip and then came crashing back down to earth, breaking her neck upon impact.

And here ends the unfortunate tale of Bob Bobsen/Patricia Alexander


End file.
